Oil Wars

Hi, I’m not OW. That left wing liberal/commy took a break. So I hacked into his blogger program and decided to make myself a ghostblogger until he gets back.

Just a little background on who I am. I’m a patriotic, red blooded American who loves hot dogs, apple pie, baseball, and cheap gasoline. I have a Ford Expedition that gets about 2 miles to the gallon and I LOVE to drive – except when those little piss ant fuel efficient cars get in my way. Anyway, I’m sure a lot of you know there is some really, really bad stuff going down in the world. In fact things look like they are really getting out of hand. Just now I saw the scariest thing yet in today’s Wall Street Journal and wanted to share it with you before OW gets back and starts his commy propaganda again. Check this out:

Kazakh Honeymoon Is Over – by Guy Chazan

The tribulations of a small Canadian oil company in Kazakhstan show how a country that was once the darling of Western oil majors now is increasingly hazardous territory for investors.

Petrokazakhstan Inc., of Calgary, has cut output by a third to comply with new environmental rules. The Kazakh government has taken it to court over a fuel-pricing dispute. In April, criminal charges were filed against two of its expatriate executives.

The campaign symbolizes a new frostiness toward foreign oil investors in Kazakhstan. During the 1990s, the former Soviet republic relied heavily on Western money and expertise to develop its oil industry – and didn’t worry too much about the terms. “If you’re in the desert dying of thirst, you don’t ask how much a glass of water costs,” says Kazakh Energy Minister Vladimir Shkolnik in an interview.

These days, many in government feel foreigners took advantage of Kazakhstan’s inexperience to snap up its crown jewels for a song. Now the state is reasserting itself, expanding its role in the oil sector and dictating conditions that could deter new investment.

“Every country is obliged to derive the maximum benefit from the exploitation of its natural resources,” Mr. Shkolnik says.

It is a pattern evident elsewhere. With the price of crude nearly doubling since 2001, countries sitting on big reserves are demanding a bigger cut of windfall profits. Western oil companies, eager for new sources of hydrocarbons, are having to swallow more-stringent terms to stay in the game.

This is scary - these people are getting really uppity. Challenging the “Western oil majors”!! Who do they think they are? When I read about “the state reasserting itself” my heart sank. But when I read “Every country is obliged to derive the maximum benefit from the exploitation of its natural resources” my blood practically froze in my veins. This sounds just like something that prick down in Venezuela, Chavez, would say. I really started to suspect that bastard Chavez must be involved in this somehow. Maybe he really wasn’t in Barquisimeto last weekend. Maybe he flew over to Kazakhstan and started putting ideas in people’s heads. Then I read the next sentence and my worst fears were confirmed:

In Venezuela, President Hugo Chavez retroactively raised the country’s take from existing contracts with Western operators.

You see!!!!!!! I knew that commie bastard was involved. Not only has he screwed up all of Latin America but now he’s screwing up the rest of the world too – right under our noses. And you know what – I think I know how he does it. There is this stupid television station called Venezolana de Television and he has a Sunday morning program called Alo President. And you know what he does – he sits there all Sunday morning and screws over good, honest oil companies. I’m not kidding. He’ll actually sits there and says stuff like “these oil companies are getting away with murder paying 1% royalties – effective immediately its 16%” or “from now on all foreign oil companies have to give us a majority stake”, or “if the oil companies don’t pay their back taxes they owe us we’re shutting them down”.

And do you think its only Venezuelans that listen to this commy BS? No. This political pornography gets transmitted over the internet!! So there are probably impressionable oil ministers in places like Russia, Kazakhstan, Indonesia, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia listening to all this commy garbage and getting ideas. I don’t like to use profanity but that little mestizo motherfucker has balls. And he is fucking us, BIG TIME. I’m telling you, THIS HAS TO BE STOPPED. I don’t care if we have to cut every fiber optic cable and telephone line coming out of Venezuela we just can’t sit back and let this commy crap infect every single country in the world that has oil.

And where is Bush while all this happening. Well, the other day I saw him actually hanging out with some Venezuelan chick, uh, what’s her name? Umm, I can’t think of her name right now but you know who I’m talking about - the anorexic looking one. So when I heard Bush was meeting with her I thought, good, maybe he’s finally doing something about this.

But then I saw the video and I realized he wasn’t. For Christ’s sake the whole time he was just staring at her legs drooling, probably thinking he was going to get lucky that night (you know Clinton would have).

Jesus, this guy needs to wake up. HELLO, EARTH TO BUSH; EARTH TO BUSH. I realize you may not know it because you just ride around in the back of a limo and never have to pump gas yourself but the price of gas is over $2 and heading North. Something needs to be done about Chavez – like NOW.

Ok, enough of my rant. I need to get out of here before OW shows up again. But please people, if there are any Americans out there (and no, fucking South Americans don’t count as Americans, that’s more crap that Chavez is infecting people with) please write your congress people about this. Nothing fancy. Just keep it simple. Something like “Hi, I’m an American and I’m sick of high gas prices. Bomb Venezuela.”

Bye everyone. Oh, I almost forgot, God Bless America, God Bless SUVs, and God Bless Cheap Gasoline.
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